The Unfinished Speech - A Decade of Growth, Love, and Adventure (Reflections on My 20s)
Nothing could have ever prepared me for half the stuff I've gone through during my 20s. Absolutely nothing. As I stand on the threshold of a new decade, I find myself reflecting on the myriad experiences that shaped my 20s—a rollercoaster ride of adventure, self-discovery, love, loss, and profound personal growth.
Year 20: Embracing Adventure and Self-Discovery
At 20 during my gap year, I conquered Mt Kilimanjaro, marking the beginning of a year filled with adventure, nature, and self-exploration. From teaching English and learning Swahili, to exploring my creative side, the year laid the foundation for a transformative decade. It was in this year that I also started my degree at university, and I came out of my shell in a way that both surprised and delighted me. I was honoured to receive a volunteer of the year award from the Futuresense Foundation that I had volunteered in Tanzania with, through their GapGuru arm.
Year 21: Leadership, Volunteering, and Zanzibar
Leading a volunteer team in Tanzania, receiving a ZIWA young achiever award for the community development work I was doing (a complete honour considering the ladies I was standing with in the same category), and discovering Zanzibar were highlights of a year that tested and shaped my leadership skills.
Year 22: Bold Pursuits and Tough Lessons
The boldness of 22 led me to write and direct a musical at uni, travel extensively (Rome, America and Portugal), and face some personal challenges. Despite setbacks, including the loss of my grandmother, spiralling a little out of control with alcohol consumption, doing my first stint in therapy and a case of being taken advantage of by a trusted "friend", I found strength in therapy and the support of dear friends.
Year 23: Healing and Deepened Faith
A year of healing and deepening my relationship with Christ, marked by a brief stint as a Resident Assistant and the launch of a mentorship program. I graduated and got my first job thanks to one of my good friends (it's good to be connected, guys). I also launched a mentorship programme with the help and support of some incredible women that I've been blessed to know. I travelled again (to Germany) and made great memories.
Year 24: Faith, Travel, and Lessons in Love
Baptism, career strides, and navigating the complexities of love characterized 24. I gave my life to Christ through baptism by water. It was such a big decision for me, one that I have not regretted since. I secured a grad job, networked heavily and worked on developing myself some more. I took a break from work and went back to the motherland for the first time in 6 years, by myself, and I had the time of my life. I made even more friends, got back into art and travelled back home again with my family, then again for a dear friend's wedding. I travelled to Morocco with some good friends, and I went to Spain for the first time and got my first encounter with their breed of mosquitoes!!! Those pesky little things did not care for the Jungle Formula I had lathered all over my body to repel them. Oh no. It felt more like the formula was a sweet scent inviting them to a party, and my blood was the drinks and my skin the food. **Lesson learnt: buy local mosquito repellent!** At 24, I also "fell in love", or so I thought. Now I understand why the Bible tells us to guard our hearts. I was reckless with it and got it broken. Nonetheless, as the hopeFUL romantic that I am, I picked myself up and "fell in love" again (only to have it broken the following year 😂). Sigh. Lessons learned in love and the discovery of the power of faith paved the way for personal growth.
Year 25: Confusion and Rediscovery
Come 25, I was even bolder than before. I'll describe 25 as my year of confusion. I was all over the place! Work was crazy, studying, trying to have a social life and maintain a relationship. I went back into the zone of anxiety, but I put on a smile and got on with it. "We move" was my motto. I went back into therapy to work on myself, and I saw some improvements. I travelled to the Netherlands for the first time and had myself a great time. BUT, it was in my year of confusion that I reconnected with my husband! (Are you taking notes? 👀 lol). I'd travelled back home again for a wedding, and we met for breakfast. He came to pick me up and this was my first time seeing him since primary school. I remember thinking that puberty had been kind to him - he was looking very handsome! BUT, it was a friendly breakfast over which we discussed my most recent failed relationship, our ambitions, etc, after which he dropped me off at Gava where I was going to have lunch with my friend and said ex. How funny this life thing is! On the other hand, I put myself out there and started baking brownies as a side business, selling from this very website. I was very intentional about it all, and Shanners Brownies was (and still is) a highly loved treat! I hope to revive it soon.
Year 26: Bold Moves, Family Challenges
By the time I turned 26, my father had been out of work for a while due to some unknown illness. 2020 brought the global pandemic with it, and also the devastating news of my dad's late stage prostate cancer diagnosis. I found myself on antidepressants briefly, I lost myself and my drive. I went back to therapy yet again, and I explored channeling my anxiety into acting. Yes, my father, my sister and I did some skits (briefly) just to entertain ourselves. I look back at those skits with so much fondness, because I'd been longing to create something with my father for a long time. It was quite tough watching him deteriorate once they'd started him on chemotherapy, and it was especially hard because we weren't allowed to be with him due to Covid restrictions. 26 was also my year of boldness. With my parents' blessing, I took a leap of faith and visited my husband, long before anything was established. It was during this trip that I knew I'd met the "love of my life". I don't believe in "the one"; I don't think God is cruel enough to give you only one person on this earth when there are billions of people in existence (who would be age appropriate). No. I believe in choosing. Meeting someone and feeling at peace with them. Imagining a lifetime with them and not panicking. I also moved out of my parents' home for the last time in my life (my first being when I was 19). Later that year, my father was urgently admitted to the hospital, and we all thought we were going to lose him then, but the doctors really fought for him, and he made it to my 27th birthday.
Year 27: Year of surrendering
27 was my year of surrendering. I say so retrospectively, but during that season I would have said it was a year of pain. My father lived to 69, and we were fortunate enough to spend some time with him. On the 21st of May 2021, at approximately 3:30AM, he breathed his last. For a minute or two, I blankly stared at him, overwhelmed. I could not believe it. While my mother and sister quietly sobbed, my sister praying at the same time, I bawled my eyes out. My sister had to remind me we were in a hospice with other patients and therefore couldn't make noise. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and my mother held me tight in her lap like I was a baby once again. Later, when we finally got back home after Dad had been transferred to another room to be dressed and prepared for departure to the mortuary, I collapsed onto the floor and cried with so much pain in my voice I thought I would die too. My life changed on that day, and what ensued was such an eye opener about life, culture and death. After burying my father in Zimbabwe, I decided to escape to Zanzibar for a few days before visiting my then boyfriend, now husband, in Mauritius. It was my first time on that island, and I had the privilege of meeting one of my dad's friends from back in the day in college in London. He had such great things to say about my dad, and for a moment, I felt closer to his younger self. The thing is, you will never truly know someone fully. People go through many stages in their lives, and you may not be there to witness all of them. My father lived to 41 before I came into this world - he had a whole life before me. I digress. By the end of the year, I'd moved to a different area of London, feeling lost and alone despite being surrounded by people. I finally found a "home church" after years of not being connected, and my life has never been the same again.
Year 28: Pruning, Proposals, and Career Shifts
There is something about having a mirror held up to your face, to reflect and see yourself properly. I had so much to unlearn and confront about myself, and I am grateful to have had an army of wonderful people holding my hand through it all. It was also in this year that the love of my life finally proposed! I was elated! I also took risks during this year, most notably with a career change that saw me starting from scratch. Through it all, I saw the hand of God. I felt at peace, at last.
Year 29: Trials, Triumphs, and Elevation
Now, my 29th year was a very turbulent one, to say the least. I was tried, tested and purified through fire, but my oh my, has it been my year of elevation! With each setback and arrow thrown my way, God has turned it for my good, and I testify.
I remember starting the year with a little trip to Mauritius to see my then fiancé, now husband, and I thought, "yep, it's gonna be a great year!" We'd done our goals and plans for the year, and I was pumped for what I believed was going to be an amazing year of constant Ws. It turned out to BE a year of Dubs, but just not in the way I imagined. While in Mauritius, mid January, I learnt that my father's sister, the one who came after him, had been diagnosed with myeloma (that's blood cancer). Now, my father died of prostate cancer. I couldn't believe this nasty spirit of cancer was back to claim someone else, so soon, and I felt so dejected. By the end of January, she sadly succumbed to it. By the time she'd received her diagnosis, it was too late. On the other hand, I joined my first small group that same month, and the tests were amplified, but I started growing.
When February came, I had started getting migraines and was slowly slipping into anxiety. I carried on being fed through the Word of God, although my flesh was under attack. By March, I'd had a car accident that, thankfully, hurt nobody and damaged no car. Not even a dent. I started getting dizzy spells days afterwards, and the migraines got worse, occurring almost every single day. I also started tasting blood in my mouth (though i didn't see blood), and my teeth were hurting so much. I couldn't stand the light and I was really struggling. I'd self referred to mental health services on the 8th of March, and the clinician said I had mixed depression and anxiety, AKA stress, so I was put under stress management therapy.
According to my journal, on the 4th of April, I woke up with a migraine and spent the day with it. I had photosensitivity, my teeth hurt, my neck hurt, my temples hurt, and I felt the migraine mainly on my right side. I also had vertigo and exhaustion and recorded a pain level of 9/10. I tried to go for a walk to just get some air, but I felt like I was going to collapse on my lap home. I got home at snail's pace and called 111 for help. They referred me to my GP who then called me the following day.
On the 5th of April, I was sent to the emergency department at PRUH in the morning. I thought it would be a quick one but lo and behold, I ended up being admitted by night time. They did a CT scan which, thankfully, showed nothing of concern. The consultant said that they wanted to do a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis. I was terrified, but people were praying with me. I remember two friends from church, Priscilla and her lovely sister Mariam, visiting me in the hospital to bring me food and a change of clothes. I had not anticipated that I would be admitted, so I was unprepared. They kept me company for a bit and prayed with me. My heart was moved. I slept on a couch as there were no beds, such is the current state of our NHS.
The following day, 6th April - the lumbar puncture was cancelled! My wonderful mum was praying for me and as a nurse she knew the cons of a lumbar puncture. The devil was really after my neck because if that LP had happened, and something went wrong, I would either be paralysed or dead. The Consultant told me that he believed it was just migraines that had worsened. By this time, I recorded that the Migraine pain levels were at 5/10, significantly lower than 2 days before. The consultant told me I'd be kept in hospital until the following day, 7th April, and I was prescribed sumatriptan to be taken every hour or two. I also got my own room, right by reception on that ward, and I finally got time to sleep and rest. The following day, doctors were on strikes and there was no one available to discharge me. Though the consultant had said I was to be discharged, the nurses said there was no record of that, so I would be kept in the hospital until doctors strikes were over, which would be another 10 days, factoring in Easter. I said to myself there's absolutely no way. I ended up self-discharging as I was only being administered paracetamol at this point due to some administrative issues as what the consultant had prescribed was not put down in writing. I was determined not to spend Easter in the hospital.
My wonderful mum hauled herself on trains and trams to come to be with me, and she stayed with me overnight. By the time she had left the following day, I was as right as rain. By the end of April, I was back again in Mauritius, to surprise Nico, and I had a fabulous time. When I got back in May, I was told that my work contract would not be extended, thrusting me back on to the job-seeking hamster wheel. I applied to several jobs, some of which responded with rejections, and others totally ignored me. After what felt like a year, I received two interview invitations, and by the end of May, I had gotten the new job that I'd fervently prayed for. Around June time, I started coaching sessions with one of my dad's friends, ahead of commencing my new job, to work on my personal confidence and work-related self-esteem. In July, I started the new job, and my life was changing at a very fast pace, and it was both exciting and daunting. I also started contributing to The Herald Zimbabwe, covering arts in the U.K. August time, one of my good friends got married to the love of her life, some friends welcomed babies around the same time, and I showed up for my loved ones a little bit more. In September, we lost my mum's only surviving brother, again, to cancer, and it was such a devastating loss. I also challenged myself and became a small group leader, leading a gospel dance fitness group and having to come up with dance routines!
Come December, my husband "brought the cows home", as they say, and what a wonderful time we had. I also celebrated my birthday with some of my loved ones, and fulfilled one of my dreams to see the Pyramids of Giza and the famous Nile River. To say I'm blessed is an understatement. I am surrounded by so much love and support and care. In my weaknesses, I have great people who hold me accountable, bring me back to the straight and narrow, and guide me when I'm feeling lost. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for God's grace, and the genuine love, patience and kindness of my family and friends. I am grateful for the people who have taken the time to get to know me properly and chosen to stand by me, to accept me but also build me up. I have known true love in all its forms; Agape, Eros, Storge, Philia. As I step into this new era, I look forward to fulfilling the great work God started in my younger years. Reflecting on this decade has shown me how much progress I have made, but also gaps and areas I need to work on. I look forward to growing and seeing more change within myself. I know I have a lot of work to do, but I pray that I am there for others the way they have been there for me this decade. I am truly loved.
Lastly, I am human, and they say to err is human. I recognize the mistakes I made, inadvertently causing pain to others. I stepped on toes, unintentionally broke hearts, hurt, mistreated and upset many people this past decade. Wholeheartedly, if you fall into this category, please know that I am sorry. I commit to working on improving, doing better, being better, not just on the things others can see, but on the inside. Heartfelt appreciation goes to those who, due to my actions, took the time to guide me; I would not be who I am today if it weren't for you. May this new decade of my life be one of unity, love, and continual self-improvement. I step forward, embracing the lessons of my past, and eagerly anticipate the growth and change that lie ahead. Thank you to those who have been part of my journey! Remain blessed, and please, if you haven't already, give Jesus a go.
PS: Some good lessons I learnt - nobody is entirely good, and nobody is entirely bad. Seek the good in others and reinforce that in them. Take what you need and brush off the chaff. Do not burn bridges, strive for harmony. Always have a heart of gratitude, and remember to say your “please” and “thank you”. Always seek feedback about your character, your work, your conduct; you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do. There are those who will love you no matter what, those who won’t love you no matter what, those who don’t love you but may be convinced to, and those who love you but may be convinced not to. Focus 75% of your time and energy on those who love you no matter what, give 10% to those who love you but may be convinced not to, 10% to those who don’t love you but may be convinced to, and only 5% to those who wont love you no matter what; you still have to live and work with them in some way, after all. Love what is good, and detest what is wrong and unjust. Love everyone, even the “unloveable person”, because you are probably the “unloveable person” in someone else’s story.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2024!
Shanners xoxo