Trusting the process
As you already know, I’ve recently rekindled my love for art in all its forms, and while this hobby of mine brings me peace and calm (and sometimes money), it’s perhaps my favourite hobby for a variety of reasons. Whenever I immerse myself in a painting or a drawing, I generally shut the whole world out, and suddenly it’s just the art and I, nothing else. Even my thoughts rarely drift when I’m working on art. It’s like all my senses focus on connecting with my subject, carefully concentrating on each line, curve and hue. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, therefore, that this hobby of mine where I spend a lot of time scrutinising everything and from which I find great joy and peace, I also derive a lot of lessons.
I am perhaps my biggest critic, and historically, for the most part, the criticism hasn’t been constructive at all. It’s mainly presented itself as self-doubt and “impostor syndrome”, and recently, I’ve had to face my demons. I occasionally question myself and my capabilities, wondering if I’m truly as good as I think I am, or as people think I am. I never used to like being overly praised about my art, because art isn’t like being good at maths. It’s a process. It cannot be contained as one thing, it’s open to interpretation. But if your subject is just that - a plain and simple image of a person, it becomes a little tricky. Nothing is now “open to interpretation”, and I certainly do not want to be the next Rasta (if you know, you know). So, I was presented with the most beautiful image to recapture on canvas with acrylic paints. I rose to the challenge and drafted a “mood board” which my muse absolutely loved. Then I got to working. This art took me 11 months to complete, for a variety of reasons including the passing of my father, my long absence, etc etc, but really and truly, it was because I made the one mistake every artist shouldn’t - I judged my unfinished artwork and lost the plot. I failed to see how I could turn that piece around and fully capture the essence of my muse’s beauty. I was very sad because I wanted to really nail it, but my work in progress was not looking good. From botched complexion shades, to ashy skin tones, the piece was a hot mess, until one night I devoted my time and decided to give it another shot, 10 months after starting the piece. Prior to this, I’d told myself I may have to buy a new canvas and start afresh, but I wanted to see how this “mess” would turn out, so I decided to finish this one first. My goodness, was I blown away.
Art has taught me one of the greatest lessons I’ve been taking a while to learn - which is to be patient and to trust the process. The transformation of that painting after only a few brush strokes with different hues completely turned the piece around. This made me very happy, beyond words. Not only has art brought me joy (I literally got lost in it for 3 hours until someone tried to call me and shook me out of my la-la-Land), it has also brought with it a lot of lessons. There is so much I want out of life. Sometimes there are ups, and sometimes there are downs, but to be able to progress and get what one wants, one has to go through a whole process. Sometimes I find myself wanting to focus on the end goal, particularly when I’m passionate or really excited about something, completely missing the lessons along the way which may turn out to be more valuable than the end goal itself. I’m trying to shift my mindset away from that way of thinking. I want to take my time to cultivate habits that will last forever, than to rush through something and forget about it a few months later. I must say, though, having a clear picture of the end goal DOES help to stay the course, but it shouldn’t be the only thing one notices. The grass along the path leading to the flower garden is also worth looking at. Perhaps you can hold me to account when the year comes to an end and I evaluate how I’ve grown over the next twelve months.
Whatever happens, though, I pray that I continue to trust the process, regardless of how ugly it looks.
PS: the image below isn’t the image in question 😌
